Is it true love that will last or just lust?
You’re smitten and the world seems to revolve around you and your new partner. Everything is coming up roses and you have this fabulous glow beaming from your heart. You can’t wait to see him again and be in his arms. His kisses make you melt and you feel completely blissful about your future together.But, how do you know you have really found true love?
Well, it’s not always obvious. As a dating coach for women, I’ve done some research on this topic to help my clients understand where they are at with the men they are dating.
According to Dr. Helen Fisher, a research professor at Rutgers University, renowned expert on love, and author of several books on this topic, there are three different levels of love:
1. Lust
You just can’t keep your hands off each other. Lust centers on intimacy and the bedroom. Yet, even though you are fabulous lovers, you might not be engaging in deep conversation or building a strong friendship. In addition, you don’t spend much time getting to know each otherbeyond the sheets and the attraction is mostly physical.
2. Romantic Attraction
Attraction is that phase when you are consumed with thoughts about your new partner. It’s an overwhelming infatuation that pumps out loads of hormones, causes your heart to race and sometimes makes you wonder if you’re still sane.
3. Attachment
Attachment is the deeper stage when a long-term bond forms. This is a time when true love emerges and a couple commits to see the relationship through. This might include the traditional path of marriage, living together or even a long-term committed relationship that doesn’t involve sharing a home.
Check out this list of 14 signs that you found “the one”, are in true love and the attachment phase of relationship:
- You feel an incredible attraction for your partner that runs very deep
- You enjoy each other’s company and look forward to quality time together outside the bedroom
- You respect each other regarding your beliefs, differences, time and space
- You are willing and capable of talking things over when a problem arises – and they will
- You know you can survive a fight and come through it stronger
- You are supportive of him as he is of you
- You feel proud to be with him and know he is proud of you too
- You care what he thinks and seek out his advice
- Being with him inspires you to be a better person
- Your time together is exciting, but also brings on a sense of peace and grace
- You allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your feelings
- You feel accepted by him and you can accept him as well – all his parts, idiosyncrasies, etc.
- You think about your love for him more than you think about his love for you
- You share your life with each other and intertwine them in a healthy way as you build a future together
What stands out for me in this long list is the mutual admiration between partners. You know it’s true love when you feel expansive and positive about life and your world. With the right partner, it feels like so much more is possible together than alone on your separate paths.
Dr. Fisher explains that people fall in love in many ways. Some fall in love after sleeping together. Some couples fall in love and then move on to physical love. Still others might be in love for a while, but don’t act on it until a certain trigger changes the relationship and allows it to blossom.
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