2 Beautiful Soul and Love Connections

Come and discover two beautiful Quotes on Soul and Love Connections

Actually, your soul and mine are the same. We appear and disappear with each other. - Rumi

I want to Love You ... Every Single Day!

You Open My Heart

Take Care of My Heart ... I've left it with you!

If I had to choose between loving you and breathing. I would use my last breath to say I love you.

9 Signs You've Found Your Soulmate

After some of the interesting comments on the Soulmate blog post a few days earlier, this article really answered a few of the burning questions!!

Have you found your Soulmate? ... (If you believe in that sort of thing)
by author Kelsey Borresen

Mention the word “soulmate” to a group of people and you’re bound to get a few eye rolls. The idea that there’s one magical person for you who you’ll fall in love with instantly and never disagree with is just not realistic.

What does exist — at least for many people — is a person who you know instinctively, who you connect with on the deepest level and who allows you to grow as a person within the relationship. When that person is a romantic partner, you’ve come across something truly special.

So how do you know when you’ve found The One? 

Below, a team of love and relationship experts identify the most telling signs.

1. You communicate without speaking.

Soulmates can read each other like an open book. “They connect fervently on every level of being,” clinical psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Carmen Harra told The Huffington Post. “One may finish the other’s sentences, they may pick up the phone to call each other simultaneously, or feel like they simply can’t be without their partner.”

Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist and author of Love Sense, said that a soulmate also knows how to respond to your emotional signals. “They stay close when you confide, give you their full attention and move in to answer to your needs, touching your hand when you are a little unsure, beaming and hugging you when you are glad, and tenderly comforting you when you are in pain,” she added.

2. You know in your gut that you’ve found The One.

The old adage “When you know, you know” rings true when it comes to a soulmate connection. “There really is no guessing or wondering when the real thing comes along,” wedding officiant and author Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway told The Huffington Post. “There is usually a telltale sign that lets you know when true love has arrived -– a voice in your head, a sense of recognition or a gut feeling that this is someone special to you.”


3. The physical chemistry is palpable…

…and the electricity that you feel doesn’t just happen on a sexual level. “Holding the hand of your soulmate throws your spirit into a whirlwind, even many years into the relationship,” Harra said.

4. You’ve been totally comfortable around each other since day one.

Soulmates connect with ease right off the bat and let their true colors show without fear of judgment. “Soulmates often feel a sense of the familiar and a sense of comfort around each other,” Brockway said. “Many people say it’s easier to relax into that person and allow themselves to be vulnerable.”

“It is the one who opens up to you –- who lets you in, so you can see them,” Johnson added. “This is the kind of person who takes risks and shares about their inner world, their emotions and their needs.”

5. But the relationship isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. He or she challenges you like no one else can.
The soulmate relationship, despite what people might assume, isn’t always smooth sailing. “A soulmate isn’t always wrapped in the perfect package, physically or in terms of life circumstances — nor does it mean that the relationship will come without challenge,” author Kailen Rosenberg of matchmaking firm The Love Architects said. “Yet, the difference is that the life circumstances and the difficult challenges are a strengthening power that becomes the glue that keeps you together through the difficult times and helps each of you become your most authentic self.”

What’s more, we rely on our soulmates to help us evolve as people. “You might find a soulmate relationship to be rocky, and that your partner is someone who pushes your buttons and aggravates you at first because they bring with them some of the more difficult lessons for the soul,” Brockway said.

CLICK HERE to watch the video ...

6. You may not see eye-to-eye on every little thing, but you’re on the same page where it really matters.

“A soulmate relationship doesn’t necessarily mean both partners always share the same views, but that their overall goals and ambitions match,” Harra said. “More diminutive opinions will differ, but soulmates generally have the same virtues and values and see the world through a similar lens.”

7. The relationship brings both partners a sense of inner calm.

It’s obvious when you’re with the wrong person; you are insecure about the relationship and worry that one false move will turn your partner off. That’s not the case for soulmates.

“You feel confident that your partner is with you for the long haul,” dating expert Tracey Steinberg, author of Flirt For Fun & Meet The One said. “No matter what happens in your lives, you both agree that you are teammates and in it together.” She continued, “Your inner voice tells you that you are in a healthy relationship. You trust each other, feel confident and comfortable around each other and feel safe discussing challenging topics in a mature way.”

8. You and your partner have separate identities, but you face the world as one.

“Soulmates recognize that they are two parts of the same whole, and no outside influence or external matter can break that bond,” Harra said.

9. You may have known each other for years, but you suddenly find yourselves ready for love at the same time.

When it comes to true love, timing is everything. “I have married so many couples who met in high school or in their twenties, maybe dated, broke up, moved on, or hung out around the same circle of friends and never connected,” Brockway told The Huffington Post. “Then one day, they run into each other again, sometimes in magical ways, and love blooms.” Keep an open mind and an open heart so that when your soulmate comes knocking, you’re ready to answer the door.


Source: /9-signs-youve-found-your-soulmate/

Connecting with Your Soulmate

'Eventually Soulmates meet, for they have the same hiding place'

 When I see you, I miss your smile. When I see your smile, I miss your hug. When I hug you, I want your kiss. i love you

 

 

Be Happy!

 

Romantic Messages for You

It's all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self-love deficit.

Don't put the key to happiness in someone else's pocket.

Seek Love ... Your heart is the only device you carry that's capable every one of your life's precious moments; you just have to focus it upon all the love and light.

Will Smith: “My Marriage Has Died”

How does a couple who is under the constant public eye cope with challenges in their marriage? This is a great article which is really good for reflection on the important aspects of being together ....

 

Will and Jada Smith Reflecting on their Marriage

For the past 18 years, Will & Jada Smith have built a reputation as being one of Hollywood’s most unshakable couples. But Will Smith recently admitted that within their highly talked about marriage, there have been times so rocky that their relationship has pretty much died at points.  

However, instead of calling it quits, these two just find a new way to make things work.

The 46-year old actor, Will Smith, told The Sun newspaper: ”Whatever you have is gonna die and you are gonna have to rebirth something new. You have to be willing to ride the waves. ”There’s gonna be some flat days and some stormy days, and that has to be OK.”
 
The couple have one daughter Willow, 14, and a son Jaden, 16. Jada Smith has previously said Will is more than just a husband to her.
She explained: ”We used to have all these rules, [but] as you go on in your relationship, you just get into a flow. ”Will, to me, encompasses everything. It’s almost as if calling him ‘my husband’ is too small of a word for what he means in my life… I think I had a very stuck idea of what a husband looks like, what a wife should be.
”Once I broke all of that, a whole new world opened for me and man, oh, man, I got to see him in all his glory. And so that’s what it’s evolved into. And I’m just ecstatic about it.”

This isn’t the first time the couple has had to defend their marriage from rumors.  In 2013, Jada responded to rumors about her and Will having an open relationship:
 
“Will and I BOTH can do WHATEVER we want, because we TRUST each other to do so,” she clarified. “This does NOT mean we have an open relationship…this means we have a GROWN one.” 

Source: /will-smith-my-marriage-has-died/

How Do You Know If You Should Get Married?

Although fewer young people are getting married today than ever before, research suggests that getting and staying married is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

As the New York Times recently concluded, “being married makes people happier and more satisfied with their lives than those who remain single — particularly during the most stressful periods, like midlife crises.”

But how do you know if you should get hitched in the first place?

We asked Peter Pearson, couples therapist and co-founder of the Couples Institute of Menlo Park, California.

Chemistry was his first answer.
“Chemistry is not everything,” he said, “but if the chemistry is not there, that’s a tough thing to overcome. If the chemistry is more there for one person than the other, that’s tough to overcome. It’s hard to build passion if it’s low at the beginning. If I could find a way to build passion where passion was low, I’d be richer than Bill Gates.”

But it’s not just sexual chemistry, Pearson said. What you might call social chemistry plays a crucial role — the way you feel when you’re with the other person. In his experience, when people have affairs, it’s more than simple lust — it’s also about the way they feel when they’re around the other person.

That sense of “how I feel” can be investigated further, care of Canadian psychologist Eric Berne. Back in the 1950s and ’60s, Berne developed transactional analysis, a model that tried to provide an account of how two people in a relationship interact, or transact.

His popular books about the model became bestsellers, namely “The Games People Play.” Drawing somewhat on Sigmund Freud, his theory argued that every person has three “ego states“:
• The parent: what you’ve been taught
• The child: what you have felt
• The adult: what you have learned
When two people are really compatible, they connect along each tier. Pearson gave us a few questions for figuring out compatibility at each level:
• The parent: Do you have similar values and beliefs about the world?
• The child: Do you have fun together? Can you be spontaneous? Do you think your partner’s hot? Do you like to travel together?
• The adult: Does each person think the other is bright? Are you good at solving problems together?
While having symmetry across all three would be amazing, Pearson said that people often “get together to balance each other.” One person might identify as fun-loving and adventurous, while the other takes on the role of nurturing and responsible. 

While that divvying up of roles is the stuff of odd-couple romantic comedies, it’s not sustainable.

“That works until someone gets tired,” Pearson said, until one partner is shouting, “I’m tired of being the responsible person here!“

When that happens (or ideally, before that happens), a couple has to go through the “differentiation” process. 

In another interview, Pearson’s wife and Couples Institute co-founder Ellyn Bader described how the high-tension phase of differentiation works:

• People have to come to terms with the reality that “we really are different people. You are different from who I thought you were or wanted you to be. We have different ideas, different feelings, different interests…
• Differentiation has two components. There is self-differentiation: “This is who I am and what I want.” This refers to the development of an independent sense of self: to know what I want, think, feel, desire…
• The second involves differentiation from the other. When this is successful, the members of the couple have the capacity to be separate from each other and involved at the same time.

For couples to survive that differentiation process and maintain their compatibility, the real secret sauce is effort.

But with all this theoretical stuff, Pearson said the clues about what predicts true compatibility are much more of a felt sense than something you reason out.

He provided a litmus test. ”If you’re living together and your partner is away for a couple days and you see a favorite scarf, a pair of shoes, or another article of clothing that’s important to them, how do you feel?” Pearson asked. “Do you feel annoyed that you have to pick up the clutter, or does it bring up happy memories?”

The answer can tell you a lot about how your parent, child, and adult are getting along with theirs.

Source: successful-marriage-compatabilities

Love in Action

Click on the Video Below to watch and be inspired!

Sometimes your see a real life, living expression of Love in Action. Chris Medina auditioned for American Idol, his inspiration is his fiance who soon after they were engaged was involved in an accident. Today she is confined to a wheelchair and Chris is her care-giver!

A beautiful story, and great video ... enjoy!

Creating a Christmas of Love

Christmas is a time of joy, love, fun and connection with family and friends. Yet for many people Christmas is highly stressful and emotional.

There are many reasons why people don’t look forward to Christmas and in some cases dread it, but the main one seems to be stress and anxiety. So much to do, so little time and energy.

Christmas does not need to be overwhelming or a burden; a chore to be crossed off your list. In fact it can be a time where you truly connect not only with others but also with yourself and in the process rediscover what Christmas truly means to you.

Follow these 7 simple steps to a calm and happy Christmas and avoid being on Santa’s naughty list (again) this year.

1.Take time to work out what you value about Christmas and how you want to feel.

Before any preparations are made, lay the foundation by sitting quietly and contemplating what key values and emotions you want to experience throughout the Christmas season. Have a pad and pen handy to record a few your thoughts. For example, you may value laughter, ease and time to connect and want to feel light, relaxed and excited. Write these down and keep them handy as all your preparations and actions will be based on these.

 2.Brain Dump everything out of your head and onto paper. 

Let’s face it, there are quite a lot of things to do at this time of year so getting them clear is important. Leaving ideas and thoughts whirling around in your head only serves to overwhelm and drain you.Write everything you need and want to do onto paper and keep going until your head feels clear. When you do this you feel more in control and less chaotic.

3. Be realistic about what you can do. 

We all want Christmas to be ‘perfect’ and truly memorable, especially if we have children. However, the striving for perfection is one of the main reasons people feel overwhelmed and burned out by the time the celebrations come. So be realistic about what can be done. Some things to consider here are the time you have available, your budget and your own expectations. Look at your list (from point number 2) using these considerations and cross off anything you know is really out of the ball park or unrealistic. Also, look back at your values and feelings list…do the things you have chosen to keep support these or take away from them.  If they support then keep them, if not then cross them off.

4. Prioritise your list. 

Now that you have looked at what is realistic for you on your list it is time to put the items into priority order. One of the best ways I have found to do this is to use a simple method by Stephen Covey call the Quadrant. I adapted the system somewhat to suit my mindset and style. Here is a picture of it as an example.  Of course adapt it to suit your own needs.

Look at each item remaining on your list and start writing them into the appropriate sections. Now focus on the top two sections only, particularly the Important and Needs to be done daily or regularly section. Quadrant one shows you the things that need to be done as priority which is helpful but quadrant two shows you the things which refuel you and keep your energy sustained helping you to grow and move forward.This is essential. As to the other two boxes reduce, delegate or eliminate them altogether. 

5. Schedule your priorities. 

Take the items from quadrants one and two and put them in your diary, smart phone or calendar. Actually putting pen to paper and carving out time will lead to far greater success in achieving them. This is the action part where you are deliberating making time and space to get these things done. This is a vital part of the process and will allow you to move forward with sustained energy and control rather than procrastinating and panicking in a ball of overwhelm. An important note here: schedule in daily (yes, I said daily) self care to keep your mental, physical and spiritual well being flowing. 

6. Your self care is crucial. 

At this time of year things begin to ramp up considerably. As such, it only makes sense that your self care does also. Think of it like an insurance policy of sorts. Daily self care, even for 10 minutes will help to keep you balanced, focused and feeling good amidst the busyness. Some examples of self care are meditation, savouring a cup of your favourite hot beverage, yoga, gardening, curling up with a book and exercise. Do not skip this step thinking you don’t have time. (Besides, you wrote it down in step 5 as a priority didn’t you?).

 7. Allow yourself to ‘Be Present’. 

The pun about ‘present’ is definitely intended. It seems that Christmas is more and more about the presents we buy and receive or the ultra fancy holidays we go on. Don’t get me wrong I love presents and holidays but what I truly value is the love and connection with others. When I look at past Christmases, I don’t think about the gifts I got but rather the laughter, closeness and activities I shared with those I care about. The greatest gift you can give to yourself and to those you love is Your Presence. To really be with those you love, listening, sharing joy and being together.

By following these simple steps you will be in a much better mindset and energy to create a Christmas that you and your family and friends will love and remember. 

Please feel free to share this post with a friend to help them in the run up to Christmas and as always leave a comment on the blog so I can connect with you.

Source: Creating Christmas Will Love

4 Bedtime Habits That May Be Sabotaging Your Sex Life

Finding a longtime couple who complains about too much hot sex is about as unusual as coming across an ice cube in the Sahara. 

For many, sex can grow a bit mundane after so many years with the same person. But all is not lost. You, too, can revitalize your sex life just by changing even a few of your everyday habits. Having been married for 22 years, I speak from experience. I also learned a few things by reaching out to Huff/Post50 contributor Ken Solin, who's also AARP's dating expert.

"If you're sex life is on auto-pilot that may mean you're not being fully present when you're making love with your partner. The same foreplay, position and orgasms are boring after a while," he said. "While it does require some amount of thought, it's helpful to try to make love at least a little differently each time. Change the foreplay menu. Avoid monotony by making love in new positions. The words 'boring' and 'sex' don't ever belong in the same sentence."

For additional help, here are four bedtime habits that may be killing your sex life. Have your own ideas? Let us know in comments.

1. An open bathroom door policy.

Yes, I realize the movie This is 40 showed Leslie Mann chatting with her husband Paul Rudd while he was on the toilet, but -- really -- your partner doesn't need to see you in the bathroom, or even cutting your toenails, no matter how close you two are. Leave a little mystery in the relationship and reap the rewards in the bedroom.

2. Wearing too many clothes.

I used to wear sweats all the time to bed. Bad idea! You want to have more sex? Go to bed wearing the same kind of sexy lingerie you used to wear when you were dating. Or, better yet, wear your birthday suit. And get ready to have some fun.

3. Asking your partner if he or she would like to make love.

Solin's advice? "Grab your partner, take your partner in your arms and kiss him or her deeply, without breaking away, until whether or not to have sex isn't the question ... but whether on the sofa, the bed, a chair or the floor is the question," he said.

4. Paying attention to the TV, your phone or your computer.

Don't just silence your phone. Leave it -- and your computer -- in the kitchen. You don't need them. And don't go to bed with the news on. Nothing kills the mood faster than the latest tragedy in the Middle East. A few years back, researchers released a study showing that couples who have a TV in their bedroom have sex half as often as those who don't. Sounds about right to me.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shelley-emling/better-sex_b_3222875.html

5 Ways to Stay Connected In Our Digitally-Connected Age

• 
  We are connected to more people in more ways than ever before. But is the quality of our relationships better off? Here are five practical ways for how can we stay relationally connected in our hyper-connected, digitally-distracted age?
  The holidays have arrived .. and in an effort to disconnect from work and the pressures, many people will transferring their 'connectedness' over to social media to stay "connected".
  The sheer explosion of the digital revolution has made author Thomas Friedman Nostradamus-like when he predicted the world would become increasingly “flat."
  Not only has our world become “flat,” it has become “hyper-connected.” We cannot go anywhere without our digital devices, be it our smart phones, our computers, or other digital devices. In fact, it seems we are increasingly in a constant state of readiness to connect, do face-time, email, text or play one of a million addictive digital games. However, while the quantity_,_speed and reach of our ability to connect in the community continue to increase at a dizzying pace, the "quality" of our connection with each other is diminishing.
  It can feel at times that our technology is managing us and not the other way around.” At the risk of sounding like a Luddite, in light of this growing evidence, perhaps we need to take a deeper look at the full impact of our always-connected state.
  How can we stay relationally connected in our hyper-connected, digitally-distracted age? Here are five practical ways we can do this.

• 1. Do an eye contact check

• The next time you are talking with your friend, spouse, or co-worker, be self-aware enough to determine if you are looking directly into their eyes, or looking down at your smart phone while quasi-listening? Maintain eye contact and watch your conversations improve.

• 2. Set it down, walk away

• Physically set your smart phone, computer, iPad or other said digital device down, put it away, and literally walk away from it at least 3 times a day.

• 3. Choose a time to unplug

• Set an alarm at a pre-determined time every day that signals an exact time when you unplug and detach from the digital world. This means you are no longer available through your digital devices for the rest of that day or night.

• 4. Ask for accountability

• Invite your spouse, friend or roommate to keep you accountable in setting a pre-determined time to unplug and detach from your digital world.

• 5. Start with Facebook

• Facebook has over 800 million active users. This means one in every nine people on Earth is on Facebook. Facebook users spend an average of 15 hours and 33 minutes a month on the site. If you reduce your time on Facebook by 10 percent this month, you have just created 1.5 more hours to invest into your face-to-face friendships.
  Instead of allowing your digital world to control you, take control of your relationships by fully engaging yourself in undistracted, non-digital connecting time with your family and friends. When it comes to your relationships, perhaps it is time to tune in and log off, at the very least, put some rules in place for yourself and your loved one!
  Source: 5 Ways to stay connected in our digitally distracted age

The 5 Best Christmas Gifts You Can Give This Year!

Christmas is about the gift of 'Presence' ... really being in the moment with those you love. Tina ...

At this time of year it can get frantic.  People milling around in search of the perfect gifts to wrap and give, buying and hanging more decorations and more food for the festive feasting.  It can be exhausting and drain not just your energy but your purse strings as well.  There are a growing number of people that find this time of year very demanding and stressful and with consumerism reaching a fever pitch, they feel like skipping the whole shebang.  It needn’t be like this and in my opinion, shouldn’t be like this.  Christmas at it’s heart is about connection, laughter and love and it is that spirit that I wrote my list of The 5 Best Gifts You Can Give This Year.

1.  Your Presence (not just your presents).  To be truly available to those you love and care about is so precious.  Focusing on listening, sharing and connecting is a gift that will keeping giving long after the decorations are put away.  For some, it is the only time of the year that they get to catch up with certain people. Though it is a brief opportunity in terms of quantity or time, it is perfect in terms of quality by genuinely allowing yourself to be interested and available.

2. Forgiveness. This gift is solely for you; a gift of self love.  Contrary to the opinion of some, forgiving others is not really about the other person but is in essence all about you.  When you forgive someone, you are laying down the burden of anger, bitterness and resentment choosing instead to allow your natural joy and peace to return to you.  This does not mean that you condone their actions or what they ‘did’ but rather that you will no longer let these actions control your feelings or behaviour.  In this way, you have the choice to interact (or not) with this person on your own terms rather than being controlled by negative emotions.

Forgiveness allows you to focus on the present and future without battling the past. Tina Bandana

3. Kindness.  This gift is much easier to give once you apply presence and forgiveness but can be done at any time not just Christmas.  The key to being kind is two fold.  Firstly, by being kind to ourselves, not judging ourselves too harshly or speaking unkindly in our self talk we are able to create a well spring of kindness.  We can then draw upon this well to share with others.  If there is nothing to draw from within ourselves we either find it incredibly hard to be kind to others or we do so from a place of obligation and resentment.  The second key to kindness is to realise that when we are kind to others we feel good and get back positive energy.  It is a practice that becomes a habit that adds to our life and is kept in balance by the awareness of being kind to ourselves first and foremost.

A candle loses none of it's light by lighting another. Unknown

4. Gratitude.  Acknowledging how very blessed we are makes a huge difference to our lives.  When we become aware of the many things to be grateful for our heart expands and we feel happiness, peace and joy (and isn’t that what life and Christmas are about?). Not only that, but by counting our blessings daily we become attuned to seeing and experiencing more to be grateful for. Gratitude opens the floodgates to abundance.  Being healthy, surrounded by your loved ones, laughing ….these are just the beginning of our gratitude list.

Feeling Gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. William

5. Love.  Love makes the world go around and we all long to experience love and to give it.  While presents are wonderful it is the love of another that makes the difference.  Whether that be our parents, beloved, siblings, children or friends taking the time to be with them, sharing experiences and connections is what it is about.  Loving ourselves a little more each day creates the space and expression to love others and on a greater scale enables us to love the wider human community.

I love you not only for what you are but for what I am when I am with you. Roy Croft

I wish you a Christmas surrounded by love, laughter and deep connection.  May the gifts you give and receive light the sparks of gratitude and joy.

Blessings,

Tina

Source: 5 Best Christmas Gifts to Give This Year

How Does It Feel To Be Loved By Someone

Love is such a beautiful feeling that almost anyone of us human beings need in order to live a happier life, and help us realize ourselves in all the other important issues that life is made of. 

We need love to have a better career and work in an unstressed way, and a family that cares for us when we are in difficult times and in need of support. Being in love or feeling loved by someone is almost critical in our life, and so we search for love as just to make us feel better and conduct our lives in a healthier manner. In order for us to freely love someone else it is also important to understand that first we need to love ourselves in the best way possible and have a high esteem for our own soul. We need to love our personality and our own body and everything, or at least try to love almost everything about ourselves.

We might feel insecure about being loved by others in a way or another, surely for our weaknesses, but we need to be stronger in order to face and defeat our low points. The kind of love that we are aspiring to receive from another person also highly depends on our capabilities of being in love with ourselves, and with this we will more likely be appreciated and reciprocally loved in the same manner. Embracing love and all of it’s characteristics makes you achieve rewarding moments, when for example you feel that everything is falling apart around you, and then having someone that loves you just makes you feel emotionally better, and you feel certain that the person you have beside will embrace you with comfort. Life is made out of good and bad moments and love simply helps you out and supports you in the bad ones.

When we are receiving love from another person, our own personality changes, and  in the same time gives  us the ability to tackle life in a different and less pessimistic way. Difficult tasks may all of the sudden become easier to deal with, since love affects us in a positive way whatever kind of  things we are doing. Affection, tenderness and compassion are all love qualities that we are always searching for, and when in a relationship, we try to share the love we feel for our partner, and value her for the happiness that she gives us, making an effort to receive the same value of love from them. Real and true love makes a couple acquire stability in a relationship, making it stronger and unbreakable to any kind of temptation from other people trying to interfere in the love story.

So as a final thought let’s just try to understand that love is like a key that is given to us to use properly in order to receive a happier and decent life, and conduct a better living with other human beings.

Source: http://seducelove.com/how-does-it-feel-to-be-loved-by-someone/

There Are No Stupid Questions About Love

 Ask yourself the question ... when it comes to love ... will you ever have all the answers?

The one way you can start to find the answers is by asking questions ... and when it comes to love and loving, there are not any stupid questions ... or answers.

There always seem to be more to learn about love, and just when you think you are starting to get the answers, life happens and we get a totally different view on things.

Reality comes down to getting and giving love where you can get and give love, however trivial or serious the source of the love may seem to be.

Love is a feeling and emotion that transcends seriousness or trivial silliness. Treat Love as the value it is and use it carefully and make sure you do not abuse it. 

When you realize that you are not just considering love by searching through "stupid" questions or answers about love, it is all about context, understanding and the realities about love. As we mature and expand our experience of life, and love ... we start to create new meanings, new understandings and a whole new series of values that surround it.

Love is something to be experienced, a sensation or gamut of emotions that run through our lives dancing, twirling and mesmerizing even the disillusioned amongst us.

To open up the possibilities, start asking the questions, the crazy, zany, fun, serious, hard, impossible, insipid and even the most colourful to expand your experience of creating an experience that transcends where you are right now!

Size Does Matter

Use your best asset to get (and give) the best sex ever!

When students ask me how to get or give better sex, I ask them, “How big is it?

We may joke about whether or not “size matters,” but beneath the joking is often a deep longing for a fuller, more satisfying experience of romance, sexuality, and intimacy.

I pause for a few seconds after my students’ question until I see a bright, red blush, and then I clarify my question: “How big is your heart?”

Then, I ask them to tell me how they use their hearts before they ever consider using anything else. Few, if any, recall connecting at the heart level as part of their foreplay. I point out that they may well be forgetting to use their best asset to give and get the most satisfying sex.

When I recommend that partners connect by taking the time to ask each other what they really, specifically want and enjoy during sex, some get downright adamant around their belief that this conversation  “just wouldn’t work!”

When I dig a little deeper, I often find one or more of the following assumptions in their thinking:

>> He/she should know what I like.
>> Talking about sex before or during intimacy breaks the mood.
>> I just can’t bring myself to say out loud what I want.
>> I feel stupid/inadequate/inept when she/he tells me how to pleasure her/him.
>> I don’t like being told how to be or perform in bed.
>> It should just happen naturally.

Some truths that I hear in the subtext of these comments are a fear of embarrassment, a deep desire for acceptance from one’s partner, along with a fear of vulnerability, even though they deeply long for it. When partners face these fears head-on and accept themselves and each other with compassion, they often can break through the obstacles that the assumptions create.

I continue to encourage them to have real conversations about their real and deep longings around sexual intimacy. If it is too intense to talk with each other at first, then I suggest they talk with a trusted friend, life coach, or counselor in a  “practice conversation”. This can help address some of those fears apart from “the real” conversation which in turn can help reduce any anxiety they might have.

It can take some time to establish a level of trust in an intimate relationship that offers enough safety for this conversation to happen. However, when both partners are ready, not only can it help create sex that rocks their worlds, it can take the relationship to life-changing depths and even become a truly spiritual experience.

How does this heart connection thing actually work? It’s pretty simple.

Here is the process:

>> Make a nonjudgmental observation about your experience of the relationship (sexually speaking) or ask an opening question.
>> Listen with an open heart and mind to your partner’s response, paying attention to what they are telling you about their longings and their feelings.
>> Reflect back what you hear them saying to be sure you are understanding all the nuances of their longings and feelings and to create deeper connection in the moment.
>> Keep listening and reflecting until you know you have really heard her/him.
>> When your partner has fully expressed her or his longings and feelings, offer your own and ask him or her to reflect back what they hear you saying until you know you have been heard.
>> With this new understanding of one another, explore what specific actions you could take outside and inside the bedroom to bring one another more pleasure and create deeper connection.
>> Then do it!

Here’s an example of a possible conversation.

Mike:  “Jen, I’m really enjoying what we have going and I’m wanting to explore some ways to deepen our relationship. I’m wondering if we could talk about our sexual intimacy and how we could connect more deeply around that? I’d really like to hear how our sexual connection is for you and how I might help make it more meaningful and pleasurable for you.”

Jen: “Yeah, well, I really like the closeness I feel with you, Mike, especially when we have time to tune into each other for a while before we go to bed. I feel so safe and open when I know how you are doing and when you listen to me in that way you do when you really understand what’s going on in me.”

Mike: So, you feel the most intimate when we have created some closeness before we make love? And being heard really helps you have a sense of safety and openness. Is that right?”

Jen: “Yes, and then when we are making love, it drives me wild when you whisper my name!”

And so on.

As you continue to increase your heart’s capacity and ability to connect with your partner, you can try some or all of the following strategies.

>> Start talking at the dining room table.
>> Be mindful of your responses and reactions during conversations about intimacy.
>> Practice empathy toward yourself and your partner.
>> Practice honesty
>> Reframe “failures” as learnings.

Celebrate when you show up the way you enjoy and the intimacy is delicious. 

And remember: the goal is to grow bigger hearts, deepen your connection, and enjoy the ride.

Source: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/01/size-really-does-matter/

Author: Doyle Banks provides clients with useable skills that help them get more positive results in their interpersonal relationships.